Most of my offerings lately have been about the community as a whole. Maintaining my equilibrium means that I must dig deeper at times so sometimes I need to do an emotional check-up to see where I might grow. I haven’t written much about my personal journey as of late because there hasn’t been much to write about. I am at peace with the vast majority of my life. I’m not in a relationship, I haven’t been for a very long time and there is not even a hint that I might find myself in one for some time. I truly feel like if I’m fortunate enough to be in a relationship again this time alone will prepare me for the type of relationship that I have been dreaming of for a very long time. That “peace” is in accepting that my mother is not emotionally healthy enough for me to have a relationship with her and that it’s fine to leave her alone and I don’t have to stress or feel upset by that. I am sure that the choices I’ve made in life have been sound, sane, and healthy. I’m proud of what I’ve created with AfroerotiK and where it is headed. My peace is in knowing that while my ex has convinced the many women in his life and his family that I’m insane, I know that he is continually emotionally manipulating women, pathologically lying, and he has not changed his narcissistic and pathological behaviors at all. While I am annoyed by that, I’m not phased or shocked. I’m not where I want to be in life but I’m assured that I will get there so I have a certain amount of peace with that knowledge. I feel grounded with the person I am, what motivates me, and my convictions. I do feel isolated but with the full acknowledgement that my vision is not average so I will simply have to draw to me like-minded individuals who are vibrating on my level. I’m lonely, but not so much so that I feel like I will make a poor choice that will result in me being hurt. Overall, I might not be in a great place but I’m content with who I AM.
Jesse grabbed my shoulders, turned me around, and pushed me against the wall. He grabbed my hips and I could feel the hot water running down my back. I braced myself, feeling my hardened, aching nipples on the cold tile. “You are going to give me some of this pussy, right here, right now,” he said, and he took his dick and slammed it in me in one thrust. I let out a moan like a wounded animal and it was met with a grunt from him that reverberated in the tiny space. His dick felt delicious, sliding in and out of me, hitting my spot, pounding me, and stroking me. I was backing my ass up on him and it was all I could do to hold on. My knees were shaking and all I could feel was pleasure, when, without notice, he pulled out and fell against the far wall, squeezing his dick. I couldn’t even think straight, I was so close to cumming and I just wanted to feel that explosion. He stumbled out of the bathroom before I could collect myself and it took me more than a few minutes to regroup.
While I do not agree with the absurd school dress codes that reinforce that girls bodies are distractions to males, I am also of the mindset that girls really don’t need to be wearing shorts that are no bigger than panties to stay cool. I really don’t understand parents buying girls shorts that are nothing more than denim panties. I remember wearing Bermuda shorts and the ever-popular denim biking shorts (yes, that was a thing in the 80s) and I didn’t burst into flames or spontaneously combust. Girls are told that they have to dress in less and less and less to be “hot” and sexy parents co-sign by allowing them to wear next to nothing and reinforcing that what gives them value is their body parts. I do not know if there are more pedophiles now than there were 30 years ago but I do know that continually promoting sexual conservancy in a society that has access to the most perverted pornography 24 hours a day, 7 days a week has created a society of sexually repressed deviants. To allow your teenaged child to wear shorts where her camel toe is showing is inviting them to be molested. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what a woman wears doesn’t mean she should be molested BUT what a woman wears is in indication of her self worth and and some point, we need to recognize that girls’ self esteem is based on how attractive they are to boys. We live in a society that turns a blind eye to what should be healthy sexuality and instead, pretend that the deviance that goes on doesn’t happen in our own backyard. We are teaching our girls to objectify themselves when we don’t tell them that they can be attractive and beautiful without having to show off every inch of skin they have.
Hear me clearly when I say that I do not condone, endorse, defend, nor can I justify the actions of Ray Rice or the dude who beat his child with the switch. I CAN and do understand why they behaved the way they did; I understand how Black men across the country are filled with rage, unable to process their emotions, and developmentally stunted so much so that the only thing they know is to perpetuate the violence that was inflicted upon them. If there had ever been any significant study done on the effects of slavery in this nation, a slavery that is different than any other crime against humanity in the history of the world, there would have been investigation into the repeated and persistent torture and abuse that slaves suffered and how it affected them. Because white people, and let’s put the blame squarely where it belongs here, again, because white people are intent on denying, ignoring, and negating the impact of slavery on the mentality and psychology of contemporary African Americans, the practices learned and handed down from generation to generation, the practices we learned at the end of the white man’s whip, those practices include beating, whipping, spanking, and punching to control people. Black men are particularly affected because they are socialized and raised to be emotionally immature. They are not given an outlet to express their emotions. They are raised and socialized to be super macho, super manly, super emotionally retarded. They don’t know how to even identify their emotions, let alone express them in a healthy way. There are millions of Ray Rice’s and millions upon millions of men exactly like the other dude.
Human beings, more specifically the human brain, has a need to justify and rationalize that its experiences, the factors that contributed to the influences that shaped them and BELIEIVE that were right. It’s the mind’s defense mechanism. It works to make people feel safe, to rationalize and soothe their feelings of insecurity and fear of judgment. Slaves were beaten, BRUTALLY beaten, abused, and tortured for white people’s perverse pleasure, entertainment, and ego. Slaves learned that abuse is the way to control people. They passed those messages down generation from generation. They beat their children because that’s all they had to control. They beat their children because that’s all they knew how to do.
My grandfather beat my mother and my uncle the way white slave masters beat slaves, with the same force and brutality. He didn’t do it because he was a mean person, he was a very gentle soul. He beat them brutally, BRUTALLY because he believed that was the way to make his children behave, conform, and stay in line like mindless slaves. He was brutally beaten as a child. He never thought that it was wrong or bad because his father was brutally beaten by his father, who was born a slave. My mother beat me. Daily. She beat me when things went wrong at work. She beat me when she was frustrated with the married men in her life. She beat me to beat my individuality and uniqueness out of me, to make me be just like me. She denies it now. She claims she never even spanked me. She swears she was a perfect mother. Her mind is in conflict because some part of her understands that it’s wrong to beat your child that severely but there is also a part of her that tells her that what she did was right because it was done to her.
My uncle probably got the most severe beatings from my grandfather. He is an alcoholic now with EXTREME rage and anger boiled up in him. He has severely beaten and abused all the women in his life. He beat and abused his sons repeatedly. His sons have perpetuated the same violence in their lives. My uncle has been dangerously quiet about Ray Rice and the other dude because he is guilty of the things they did and worse. It has to be causing emotional conflict. He knows that he should say that what they did was terrible and wrong but he knows in his heart that he has done far worse than what they did. What we do to Black boys by telling them not to cry, by telling them to be a man, by telling them that they can’t show emotion or they will be sissies is we create the inner rage and frustration that makes Black men rationalize and justify that punching a woman is okay because they desperately want to control something in their lives. They want to be this one-dimensional and stereotypical “head of the household” and king of the castle that society tells them that they should be by virtue of their penis but they feel frustration and they lash out at the things that they are told that they should be able to control, the women and children in their lives. It’s a pathology born in slavery.
I cannot, will not, and do not condone what these men have done but I understand how their behaviors have evolved. I get how Black men who are abusers are among their friends saying, “Yeah, I would never hit a woman, I would never hit my child like that,” when in fact they’ve done that and worse. I understand how Black men feel that punching, beating, and whipping is all they have in their arsenal to control the rage that they feel. I totally understand how Black mothers who feel angry, alone, frustrated, and who need to justify the abuse inflicted upon them repeat the patterns.
Let us pray that the cycle can be broken. Let us pray that there is within each and every descendant of slaves a tiny spirit of liberation that whispers that abuse and violence is wrong and it must end. Beating your children doesn’t keep them out of jail, LOVE does that. Nurturing does that. Discipline does that but discipline doesn’t have to mean abuse. What we suffered, we being you, me, and the collective Black race, was abuse. Rather than saying, “Well, I was raised that way and I turned out fine,” let us now say, “What happened to me was wrong and I will not perpetuate the same thing on my children. I will break the cycle of abuse.”
Y’all are going to watch, like, reblog, share, and share some more, ya hear me?
Almost any Black woman you talk to will claim she is a good Black woman. Unfortunately, just saying it don’t make it so. I’ve stepped up to the plate and defined exactly what makes me a good Black woman.
1. I don’t defend the actions of Black women when they are reprehensible. I am equally…
Wow, I’m actually disappointed in this post because although it comes in the form of appreciating one’s self it puts down others (in particular other black woman) with the rhetoric of “I do this and you don’t therefore aren’t a ‘good black woman”. In addition it revolves being a “good black woman” around catering to a man not one’s self or even including other black woman. So yeah, bummed by this post.
Not once, nowhere on my list in fact, did I disparage Black women. I simply stated what work I’ve done on myself to become a good woman beyond rhetoric and cliche of just saying it. Additionally, there is nothing about catering to a man on my list. I’m wondering what you read that even made you think that. Saying that I don’t judge men on their wallets or dick size is offensive to you? I didn’t compare myself to anyone nor did I assert that if I did something and someone else didn’t, that makes them bad. What I SAID is that women need to define what makes them a good Black woman for themselves rather than just saying, “Yeah, that describes me.” Unless you are asserting that no Black women in existence exhibit unhealthy behaviors, I’m incredibly hard-pressed to understand your issue with what I wrote. If you don’t have the same definition of what it means to be a good Black woman, I invite you to make your own list that is appropriate to you. And I won’t be offended at all if your list is not the same as mine. I thank you for sharing your feedback because I find it very interesting indeed that you take issue with something that is meant to define myself and you see it as an attack on you and your beliefs (or at least the women who display behaviors that are different than mine). Again, unless you feel that there is no such thing as a Bad Black woman, I’m confused as to why you think I’m some patriarchal back-stabbing bitch out to tear down other Black women because I think that’s more reflective of some issue you need to work on more so than anything described on my list.
Black people LOVE to throw the term freak around. Sadly, pathetically, the term is used in place of meaning healthy sexuality. There is nothing freaky about liking sex, wanting sex, or enjoying sex. Unfortunately, because Black people are sooooooo incredibly sexually immature, they associate…
Couldn’t have said it better.
But isn’t the word freak used to describe something different or not normal for THAT person? If it’s new and different for the parties involved it becomes freaky to them. On top of that you can’t put all black people in the same category nor can you say that what’s not freaky to you shouldn’t be freaky to the next. The newness and unknown to THAT person is what makes it freaky. If calling yourself freaky empowers you to explore the sexually unknown by all means call yourself freaky. Using the term freaky to describe your new not so common at least in your mind sex acts is not limited to just black people either, every race uses the term and often in the way I described.
No, more often than not, when Black people use the term freaky, it’s nothing more than basic sex. “Mmmmm, I love eating pussy, I’m so freaky.” That’s not freaky. That’s so incredibly normal and average that it’s almost pathetic. The same person who usually identifies themselves as a freak is the same person who will scream, “I don’t want a finger in my ass, that’s disgusting.” Threesomes are not freaky. What white people do is freaky. As long as we keep ascribing the term freaky to normal sexuality, we will forever be a sexually immature people. It’s not freaky to like having your toes sucked. The Kentucky Klondike Bar is freaky. Don’t know what that is? Look it up. The Panamanian Petting Zoo is freaky. I will warn you not to eat lunch before you look that up. Black people are sexually immature. We are using the term freaky to describe intimate exchanges when we should be embracing our sexuality and exploring more but not with the belief that anything more than anal is somehow outside the fringe or extreme. Our sexual menus need to include more, we need to accept that pleasure is our birthright and not continue to ascribe the term freaky to enjoying sex.
The definition of bisexual is relating to both genders romantically or sexually. The term bi-curious refers to someone who has not engaged in sex with the same sex but who has fantasies or arousal with persons of the same gender. Now, let me ask you a question. Why do you seem to have difficulty understanding the definition of the terms bisexual and bi-curious? Aren’t they rather basic concepts? Straight, gay, bisexual … I’m sincerely interested in knowing how sexually uninformed people are in the year 2014. I can understand someone asking me what pansexual or cis-gendered means because those aren’t common terms. Bisexual seems pretty obvious to me like you should know that in the 6th grade. Is it truly that confusing to you?
I have never been more proud than I am right now. A customer purchased these two AfroerotiK images and framed them and hung them in one day. Her home is AfroerotiK, it’s Black love and sensuality. It is my strong prayer that these images manifest the love and passion she desires in her life.
I’ve had countless conversations with people and I’ve asked them if they were bisexual. Almost 100% of the time, they say that they aren’t but then tell me of bisexual experiences. It’s women as well as men. It seems awfully delusional to me. The excuses for why they aren’t bisexual are irrational. They claim they aren’t bisexual because they don’t actively go out “seeking” sex with the same gender, but if it happens it happens. I have men say that they aren’t bisexual because they only engage in oral sex with other men. I’ve heard the ever-popular, “I don’t like labels,” but they never seem to mind the label of heterosexual, it’s only that bisexual label that seems to be so problematic. I always hear, “ I am not bisexual because I’m not attracted to (the same gender) emotionally, just sexually.” That would be great if we were defining the word bi-emotional. This sista once told me that she wasn’t bisexual because she didn’t like the reaction people gave her when she told them she was bisexual. How is that logical? The most popular excuse for why people don’t consider themselves bisexual, by far, is, “I PREFER sex with the opposite gender.” Well, of course, if you have sex with people of the same gender and you don’t really enjoy it as much as you do when you are having sex with someone of the opposite gender, that means you can be considered heterosexual. I guess I’m supposed to believe that they were having sex with someone of the same sex and saying, “This really sucks, I’d rather be with a person of the opposite gender.” As my uncle would say, “Dain Bramaged!”
Almost any Black woman you talk to will claim she is a good Black woman. Unfortunately, just saying it don’t make it so. I’ve stepped up to the plate and defined exactly what makes me a good Black woman.
1. I don’t defend the actions of Black women when they are reprehensible. I am equally willing to call out the pathos of Black women as I am Black men. I don’t feel the need to defend the actions of my gender simply because we share the same chromosomal makeup.
2. I enter into each new relationship with a man expecting the best. I come to every relationship with an open mind and an open heart. When we disagree, I express my concerns and feelings without projecting negativity towards him. I take the time to listen carefully to his perspectives and arguments without getting defensive. I take the time to collect my thoughts and speak from a place of calmness before I express my concerns.
3. I have spent years in solitude trying to know myself, learning what makes me tick, learning how I came to develop the patterns that have shaped my life and choices. I’m aware of the triggers that spark bad choices and I willfully walk away from situations that I know are going to be potentially defeatist to me.
4. I do not judge men on their wallets, their dick size, their car, or their job. I judge men based on their integrity, their character, their compassion, their vision, their progressiveness. While I look for certain beliefs systems to be the same, I’m open minded enough to know the difference between differing lifestyle choices and differing core values.
5. I give praise, support, encouragement, and affection in abundance. I recognize that men need an extra little boost because they have been so emotionally stunted so I’m more than willing to lift up, support and assist men when they need a little self esteem boost.
6. I apologize when I’ve done something wrong. I forgive when someone sincerely seeks forgiveness. I don’t bring it back up, I don’t hold it over their heads, I don’t create melodrama to prove how wronged I was.
7. I choose which battles I fight wisely. I recognize that some things are insignificant in the scheme of life and I don’t sweat the small stuff. If you leave the toothpaste top off, I can put it back on just as easily as say something about it. If you have to have the toilet paper come from the bottom, I don’t really care. I make sure that before I make an issue out of something, that it’s significant and not just a selfish desire on my part.
8. I try to be the sort of person I want to attract to my life. I am honest, sharing my flaws and shortcomings openly, hoping that the person that I’m with will be equally as honest and open about his shortcomings so that we can form a relationship based on honesty.
9. I’m selective about with whom I share my body. I do not go out to fulfill my sexual needs with someone unless I know for a fact that they are interested in pursuing a long term relationship with me, unless I know that they are vibrating on the same level and have similar goals. I do not exchange my body for money EVER.
10. I recognize that for all the work I’ve done, that I have a long way to go and that I’m not in any way perfect. I don’t define myself by my hair or my nails, I don’t put more value in the price of my outfit than I do in the knowledge that I fill my head with. I don’t equate my worth with the salary of the man who I’m with. I refuse to let my identity be shaped by the media.
Now, queue the comments from women saying, “Yeah, that’s me.” Rather than adopting my list, real good Black women will create her own list individual and unique to her. A real good Black woman will take the time to reflect on what changes she can make in her life to continue to grow and evolve to being an even better Black woman.
Your page is full of pornographic pictures of women but you couldn’t respect a woman if she talked about sexuality? I find that very funny indeed. Honestly I find it incredibly hypocritical but that’s why I created AfroerotiK, to divest men of their sexist beliefs and allow women the opportunity to be sexual without shame or guilt.
Fellas, You Gotta Tighten up your Game
I’ve been on the net over 15 years now. For several of those years, I have unofficially reigned as the queen of NEW Black erotica. In all of my internet travels, of the thousands upon thousands of people I’ve met on this vast and virtual wide web we call the world, not once have I ever initiated contact with, had chemistry with, or been sexually aroused by a man who has a picture of his penis on his profile.
I don’t have a penis, I don’t really understand the workings of people who do, but I would think that after some time on the Internet, men would understand that most women are not aroused by dick pics. I am not attracted to dicks, I’m not superficial so men with bigger dicks don’t earn extra points with me, and in fact, if a man has a picture of his dick on his profile, I usually find it repulsive and I’m inclined to not engage in any sort of in depth conversation with him. Men who want to depict and portray themselves to the world as their dick are not the sorts of men I’m inclined to want to get to know. I would think that I’m far from being the only woman who feels this way YET day after day, I’m amazed at the number of men who feel that their dick pic is going to hypnotize and entice me to engage in conversation.
Gentlemen, your penis, while it may be infinitely arousing, magical, and mystical to you, while it may hold your attention exclusively for hours upon hours, is no different, more arousing, or charismatic than the 100 million other penises that are shoved in my virtual face on a daily basis. I’m asking politely. Please do not send me a picture of your penis. No, I don’t want to see your cam, no I’m not aroused by watching you masturbate, and seeing you ejaculate holds no great thrill for me. I’m not driven to laugh at, taunt, or humiliate men with little white ones and I’m equally as disinterested in marveling over big black ones that are posed in contrast to your remote control, soda can, or ones that can tell time with your watch on it.
What will it take for men to understand that women who are aroused by pictures of penises are actually in the minority? I’ve been more aroused by men with NO pictures on their profiles who don’t ever show me a picture than I have been by men with their Heavy D and the Boyz on display. And if your screen name has,”69”, “XXX”, “inches4u”, or some phonetic spelling of the N word incorporated into it, I’m not only going to be repulsed, but I’m going to ignore your IM’s, emails, and comments.
Fellas, if you are so full of shame that you can’t display your face on your profile for fear that someone will recognize you and know that you are … God forbid … a sexual being, then that’s problematic and an indication that you aren’t sexually mature. If you are thinking that women around the globe are going to see your penis and get instantly wet and BEG you to have casual and uninhibited sex, that somehow, your penis is going to be more captivating and different than the other 67 cajillion pictures of penises that are being forced, figuratively, down our throats, you are sadly mistaken.
I’m attracted to men, not their dicks. I’m attracted to the depth in a man’s eyes. I’m attracted to his smile. I’m TURNED ON by his substance and warmth, his intellect and his ability to identify himself as more than the few inches of meat that hang between his legs. Moreover, men who show off their penises and think that is supposed to be arousing, interesting, or captivating for me as a woman are not arousing to me to say the very least.
Fellas, please keep these general rules of thumb at hand when traversing the internet.
If I want to see your penis, I will ask.
“Hey ma, u luk gud,” does NOT motivate me to call you on the telephone.
Copy and paste messages, where you think you are being unique and sending out blanket compliments like, “I just ran across your profile and it is very interesting. I wanted to say I had to write you. I love your smile and you look like a woman I want to get to know better. I can’t wait to hear from you,” are lame, tired, and not at all original.
And most importantly, your penis is not so gorgeous, captivating, or unique that it’s going to move women of substance to want to get to know you better.
If you take a look at the men who are the most outspoken and the most argumentative about Black relationships, they are the men that INSIST that women are at fault for everything. If only Black women would stop tolerating such bad behavior from men, if only Black women would carry themselves in a more feminine manner. It’s Black women who try to emasculate them by not letting them be the head of the house and damn those Black women for asking for money. That’s nothing more than articulation of a belief that women are supposed to serve the needs of the Black man without considering that they have needs of their own. The head of anything needs to demonstrate leadership. A penis alone isn’t evidence of leadership so if the head of the household is only appointed as such because he has a Y chromosome, that is a doomed relationship. If that household can’t take the strengths of both partners and compliment the weaknesses of both partners, regardless of gender, then you are doomed.