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I’ve had countless conversations with people and I’ve asked them if they were bisexual.  Almost 100% of the time, they say that they aren’t but then tell me of bisexual experiences.  It’s women as well as men.  It seems awfully delusional to me.  The excuses for why they aren’t bisexual are irrational.  They claim they aren’t bisexual because they don’t actively go out “seeking” sex with the same gender, but if it happens it happens.  I have men say that they aren’t bisexual because they only engage in oral sex with other men.  I’ve heard the ever-popular, “I don’t like labels,” but they never seem to mind the label of heterosexual, it’s only that bisexual label that seems to be so problematic.  I always hear, “ I am not bisexual because I’m not attracted to (the same gender) emotionally, just sexually.”  That would be great if we were defining the word bi-emotional.  This sista once told me that she wasn’t bisexual because she didn’t like the reaction people gave her when she told them she was bisexual.  How is that logical?  The most popular excuse for why people don’t consider themselves bisexual, by far, is, “I PREFER sex with the opposite gender.”  Well, of course, if you have sex with people of the same gender and you don’t really enjoy it as much as you do when you are having sex with someone of the opposite gender, that means you can be considered heterosexual.  I guess I’m supposed to believe that they were having sex with someone of the same sex and saying, “This really sucks, I’d rather be with a person of the opposite gender.”  As my uncle would say, “Dain Bramaged!” 

I AM a Good Black Woman

 

Almost any Black woman you talk to will claim she is a good Black woman.  Unfortunately, just saying it don’t make it so.  I’ve stepped up to the plate and defined exactly what makes me a good Black woman. 

1.  I don’t defend the actions of Black women when they are reprehensible.  I am equally willing to call out the pathos of Black women as I am Black men.  I don’t feel the need to defend the actions of my gender simply because we share the same chromosomal makeup. 

2.  I enter into each new relationship with a man expecting the best.  I come to every relationship with an open mind and an open heart.  When we disagree, I express my concerns and feelings without projecting negativity towards him.  I take the time to listen carefully to his perspectives and arguments without getting defensive.  I take the time to collect my thoughts and speak from a place of calmness before I express my concerns. 

3.  I have spent years in solitude trying to know myself, learning what makes me tick, learning how I came to develop the patterns that have shaped my life and choices.  I’m aware of the triggers that spark bad choices and I willfully walk away from situations that I know are going to be potentially defeatist to me. 

4.  I do not judge men on their wallets, their dick size, their car, or their job.  I judge men based on their integrity, their character, their compassion, their vision, their progressiveness.  While I look for certain beliefs systems to be the same, I’m open minded enough to know the difference between differing lifestyle choices and differing core values. 

5.  I give praise, support, encouragement, and affection in abundance.  I recognize that men need an extra little boost because they have been so emotionally stunted so I’m more than willing to lift up, support and assist men when they need a little self esteem boost. 

6.  I apologize when I’ve done something wrong.  I forgive when someone sincerely seeks forgiveness.  I don’t bring it back up, I don’t hold it over their heads, I don’t create melodrama to prove how wronged I was. 

7.  I choose which battles I fight wisely.  I recognize that some things are insignificant in the scheme of life and I don’t sweat the small stuff.  If you leave the toothpaste top off, I can put it back on just as easily as say something about it.  If you have to have the toilet paper come from the bottom, I don’t really care.  I make sure that before I make an issue out of something, that it’s significant and not just a selfish desire on my part.

8.  I try to be the sort of person I want to attract to my life.  I am honest, sharing my flaws and shortcomings openly, hoping that the person that I’m with will be equally as honest and open about his shortcomings so that we can form a relationship based on honesty. 

9.  I’m selective about with whom I share my body.  I do not go out to fulfill my sexual needs with someone unless I know for a fact that they are interested in pursuing a long term relationship with me, unless I know that they are vibrating on the same level and have similar goals.  I do not exchange my body for money EVER. 

10.  I recognize that for all the work I’ve done, that I have a long way to go and that I’m not in any way perfect.  I don’t define myself by my hair or my nails, I don’t put more value in the price of my outfit than I do in the knowledge that I fill my head with.  I don’t equate my worth with the salary of the man who I’m with.  I refuse to let my identity be shaped by the media.  

Now, queue the comments from women saying, “Yeah, that’s me.”  Rather than adopting my list, real good Black women will create her own list individual and unique to her.  A real good Black woman will take the time to reflect on what changes she can make in her life to continue to grow and evolve to being an even better Black woman. 

 

jayjmann25 asked:

Ey hope you are good. Just read your last post and I'm glad you wrote it. Iv never been one to send dick pics myself Unless the lady requested. But before reading your page, it seems funny but i never thought I could respect a woman who talks and portrays such sexual things. But after seeing your page and how you word things and honestly being aroused by your posts I have gained respect for you. I realise now it's just sexual freedom. P.s you make black look beautiful x Jay x keep posting

Your page is full of pornographic pictures of women but you couldn’t respect a woman if she talked about sexuality?  I find that very funny indeed.  Honestly I find it incredibly hypocritical but that’s why I created AfroerotiK, to divest men of their sexist beliefs and allow women the opportunity to be sexual without shame or guilt. 

Dick Pics

 

Fellas, You Gotta Tighten up your Game

I’ve been on the net over 15 years now.  For several of those years, I have unofficially reigned as the queen of NEW Black erotica.  In all of my internet travels, of the thousands upon thousands of people I’ve met on this vast and virtual wide web we call the world, not once have I ever initiated contact with, had chemistry with, or been sexually aroused by a man who has a picture of his penis on his profile. 

I don’t have a penis, I don’t really understand the workings of people who do, but I would think that after some time on the Internet, men would understand that most women are not aroused by dick pics.  I am not attracted to dicks, I’m not superficial so men with bigger dicks don’t earn extra points with me, and in fact, if a man has a picture of his dick on his profile, I usually find it repulsive and I’m inclined to not engage in any sort of in depth conversation with him.  Men who want to depict and portray themselves to the world as their dick are not the sorts of men I’m inclined to want to get to know.  I would think that I’m far from being the only woman who feels this way YET day after day, I’m amazed at the number of men who feel that their dick pic is going to hypnotize and entice me to engage in conversation. 

Gentlemen, your penis, while it may be infinitely arousing, magical, and mystical to you, while it may hold your attention exclusively for hours upon hours, is no different, more arousing, or charismatic than the 100 million other penises that are shoved in my virtual face on a daily basis.  I’m asking politely.  Please do not send me a picture of your penis.  No, I don’t want to see your cam, no I’m not aroused by watching you masturbate, and seeing you ejaculate holds no great thrill for me.  I’m not driven to laugh at, taunt, or humiliate men with little white ones and  I’m equally as disinterested in marveling over big black ones that are posed in contrast to your remote control, soda can, or ones that can tell time with your watch on it. 

What will it take for men to understand that women who are aroused by pictures of penises are actually in the minority?  I’ve been more aroused by men with NO pictures on their profiles who don’t ever show me a picture than I have been by men with their Heavy D and the Boyz on display.  And if your screen name has,”69”, “XXX”, “inches4u”, or some phonetic spelling of the N word incorporated into it, I’m not only going to be repulsed, but I’m going to ignore your IM’s, emails, and comments. 

Fellas, if you are so full of shame that you can’t display your face on your profile for fear that someone will recognize you and know that you are … God forbid … a sexual being, then that’s problematic and an indication that you aren’t sexually mature.  If you are thinking that women around the globe are going to see your penis and get instantly wet and BEG you to have casual and uninhibited sex, that somehow, your penis is going to be more captivating and different than the other 67 cajillion pictures of penises that are being forced, figuratively, down our throats, you are sadly mistaken. 

I’m attracted to men, not their dicks.  I’m attracted to the depth in a man’s eyes.  I’m attracted to his smile.  I’m TURNED ON by his substance and warmth, his intellect and his ability to identify himself as more than the few inches of meat that hang between his legs.  Moreover, men who show off their penises and think that is supposed to be arousing, interesting, or captivating for me as a woman are not arousing to me to say the very least. 

Fellas, please keep these general rules of thumb at hand when traversing the internet.

If I want to see your penis, I will ask. 

“Hey ma, u luk gud,” does NOT motivate me to call you on the telephone.

Copy and paste messages, where you think you are being unique and sending out blanket compliments like, “I just ran across your profile and it is very interesting.  I wanted to say I had to write you.  I love your smile and you look like a woman I want to get to know better.  I can’t wait to hear from you,” are lame, tired, and not at all original. 

And most importantly, your penis is not so gorgeous, captivating, or unique that it’s going to move women of substance to want to get to know you better. 

If you take a look at the men who are the most outspoken and the most argumentative about Black relationships, they are the men that INSIST that women are at fault for everything.  If only Black women would stop tolerating such bad behavior from men, if only Black women would carry themselves in a more feminine manner.  It’s Black women who try to emasculate them by not letting them be the head of the house and damn those Black women for asking for money.  That’s nothing more than articulation of a belief that women are supposed to serve the needs of the Black man without considering that they have needs of their own.  The head of anything needs to demonstrate leadership.  A penis alone isn’t evidence of leadership so if the head of the household is only appointed as such because he has a Y chromosome, that is a doomed relationship.  If that household can’t take the strengths of both partners and compliment the weaknesses of both partners, regardless of gender, then you are doomed. 

Let’s take a look at a Creation story from traditional Africa BEFORE enslavement and Christianity.  God, The All There Is, was not a man, God was a powerful force, no gender attributed to it, just spirit and energy.  In this story, God created man and woman as  wati for it … equals.  Now, think about it for a minute.  Man and woman are equal, there is no curse on women, there is no sin, and women aren’t inferior.  Who would benefit from creating a situation in which men had dominion over women?  God?  I can’t imagine the Creator of All, The Most High God being that insecure with his own manhood that he needed to create woman to own like a pet, to control.  That’s a really insecure God, don’t you think?  That sounds more like a characteristic of a person who is lacking confidence, who wants to assert themselves and control everything.  Who does that sound like?  God did not create us in his image.  White man created God in his. 

We’ve lost our community to narcissistic desires.  We inflict our own punishment with our willful criminal behavior.  Education need not be held from us any longer, for we voluntarily turn our backs on it.  What purpose does it serve for massa to give us his hand me down clothes, we actually believe that some designer’s clothes and shoes make us better than the next person.  Our men find it perfectly acceptable to use women indiscriminately, to be emotionally unavailable and to abandon their heirs. Our women serve the designer pocketbook and some Asian woman’s hair.  So deep are our wounds that we call ourselves degrading and vile names and defend the right to do so.  Rather than call ourselves Kings and Queens, we vehemently support the right to be Niggers, bitches, and freaks.  Slavery created a monster that roams the earth seeking it’s own self-destruction.   Let us stand up and break the chains that keep us oppressed

On the day when men stop viewing women as conquests, when they stop trying to find comfort from their hurts with sex, when they face up to the idea that building a strong partnership is a sign of manhood, not fucking anything with a hole, then relationships will thrive.  Until women stop coddling cheating men, forgiving them by saying it’s a man’s nature, until they stop tolerating married men and men in relationships coming on to them as some sort of sign of attractiveness, until women stop thinking that once they get a wedding ring on their finger that makes them better than single women and thus, willing to overlook their cheating husbands, relationships are doomed. 

Black people must let go of the diseased ideology ingrained in us for so many years that says that any black blood makes you black.  While we may love to claim Halle Berry, Shemar Moore, or Tiger Woods as our own, the truth of the matter is that they are not black.  They are only half-black, and our desire to commandeer their blackness for our purposes is immoral and selfish. We as black people must caution ourselves not to become the race Gestapo. “You are under arrest for not being black enough.”  The face of America is changing; it can no longer been seen as simply black or white.  As more and more people intermarry and/or procreate with any number of races and ethnicities, we must deal with the fact that we may need to add many different boxes.  Our conscientious struggle and responsibility as people of color must be to make sure that those boxes don’t lead to discrimination, oppression, decreased opportunity, and systematic alienation. 

Two young girls live next door to each other, one light skinned, one dark skinned.  They are walking home from school and a group of girls ride by and yell out, “Hey, you high yella bitch, you think you all that.”  They go inside the dark skinned girl’s house and light skinned girl is visibly upset by the incident.  Everyone comforts her, tells her how pretty she is, tells her to not let it bother her.  The dark skinned girl hears her mother and grandmother say, “Oh, little Sally you are so pretty, you have such good hair. And you have those light eyes that make you so beautiful. Don’t worry about those ugly dak skin girls who are just jealous.”  Her father turns on the television and he says, “Good golly Miss Molly that redbone gal on that show sh’ole is fine.”  Her brother comes home and is excited to tell his mom that he asked Lisa to the prom and she said yes and her mother claims that the pictures are going to turn out good because Lisa is light skinned and romantically fantasizes about little light skinned grandchildren out loud.  They go upstairs and they open a magazine and they see page after page of light skinned women.  They decide to go to the mall to see a movie and the women on the screen that are portrayed as ugly are dark and the women touted as being beautiful are light skinned.  The dark skin girl has a crush on little Tommy Rivers but Tommy makes it clear that he only likes light skinned girls.  The two girls go to a department store to get some makeup like most girls do but there are no shades that look good on the dark girl’s skin tone.  The woman at the makeup counter tells the light skinned girl how pretty she is and the dark skinned girl gets snared at as if she’s committed a crime or about to.  In this scenario, nothing was said hurtful to the dark skinned girl outright but the damage to her self-esteem, from colorism, is evident. 

I say I love Black people because when I see a sister that is showing off her body for some attention, I don’t look down my nose at her.  I see her behavior as part of a bigger picture.  I see her as looking for reassurance from a society that tells her that she has to wear breast and buttocks as accessories to be beautiful.  She is a victim of a mentality that was in place way before she was born that told black women that they were only good to spread their legs and be receptacles for sperm.  She is using the only thing she has been told that gives her any worth, her coochie.  Wearing little outfits is simply symbolic of wearing the chains of slavery.  She is a Black woman living in a sexist, racist society.  She has to look in the mirror everyday and find some self worth when there is no reinforcement to her soul.  For as a human being, she, all Black women, want to be loved and appreciated, respected, admired.  Some of us have a greater understanding of our divinity, some of us however do not. 

I’ve spoken to far too too many bisexual black women that find the idea of a bisexual black man disgusting.  Two people, finding arousal in each other, satisfying their needs, connecting, cannot be okay for one gender and an abomination for another.  Just as I can find a certain tenderness and softness with a woman that I can’t find with another man, I can not blame my partner for wanting a more primal and feral fuck that he can only get with another man or needing an emotional connection only supplied with testosterone.  That’s evolved.  Saying that you can experience pleasure, without lies, without games, without drama, without societal rules that define manhood as some super macho, emotionless playboy is truly “AfroerotiK”.  It’s connecting to a human being, regardless of their genitals, and giving freely of yourself and experiencing pleasure.  As long as men are caught up in “dominion over woman” and sex being some sort of tool to express manhood, we will never be free. 

I’m a Queen? 

You mean I’m not the reason for all of society’s ills?

You mean I am not the gold diggin’, money grubbing, and materialistic welfare queen that has the entire nation in debt?

Are you trying to tell me that I am not too un-supportive, too strong, too weak, too fat, too independent, too dark, too nappy, too outspoken, too brainwashed? 

I thought I was the reason Black men dated white women, the reason the Black jails were so full, and the reason why the Black family has fallen apart.

You mean I’m worth something more than what’s between my legs?  Let me get this straight, I have value?

I’m not sure if I can handle being the object of adoration.  For so long I’ve been raped, and used, and lied to, and abandoned, and mistreated and beaten, I’m not used to people saying wonderful things about me.

So, if what you are saying is true, and I really am a queen, then why have so many forgotten/denied?

It’s not funny when Kat Williams and Kevin Hart make fun of dark skinned women.  We owe our very existence to dark skinned women with nappy hair who survived the hell of being raped by racist white men in order that we may live.  We idolize light skin and flowing hair as the standard of beauty and we callously ridicule and joke about the women who have built out community, our families. 

The origin of our dysfunction is slavery.  That’s the only reason we function and operate in the ways we do today.  Our need to alter our hair to be flowing and long.  Our adoration of light skin and eyes, slavery.  Our belief in Christianity, our disdain for education, our criminality all originated in being beaten, raped, tortured, told repeatedly that we were inferior and that the white man was better.  If we were not the victims of slavery, we would not perpetuate the behaviors that we do today.  It’s that simple.  Denying that fact is counterproductive to our collective healing.  Anyone who finds that statement uncomfortable and offensive is ignoring the problem.  I commend anyone, black or white that has the guts to work past these difficult and strained beliefs.  It’s painful but it must be done.  Onward and upward I say. 

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